Populating the Ark

I heard a story from a friend the other day that illustrates the difference between indifference, compassion, and love. The punchline: love means seeing someone for who they really are, and loving the whole package.

A drunk beggar sits on a street corner, asking for spare change. One person walks by and ignores him. That is indifference. Another person walks by and asks the beggar if he has eaten, gives him money, and says "please buy something nutritious for yourself with this." That is compassion. A final person walks by, gives the beggar some money, and says "enjoy the drink." That is love.

This story hit home for me. Something that I am constantly working on is loving people for everything they are, even the things that might seem annoying or undesirable to me. A concept that I have found useful is that of "the ark," taught to me by Lauren Zander, founder of the Handel Group. The idea behind the ark is that, like Noah, we each have an ark that we are populating with a select group of people whom we love and care for. A person can't have one foot on the ark and one foot off (the equivalent of loving their "good" qualities, but despising their "bad" ones). They are either on or off.

Being "on" means a commitment to loving the person, sharing your whole self with them, and cultivating a beautiful, intimate relationship with them. It means not complaining behind their back about how annoying it is that they are always late or disrespect their spouse or need to lose some weight, or what have you. Instead, it means taking on discussing these issues with the person, and coming to peace with them. Accepting everything about them as part of the whole. They are on your ark, and aren't going anywhere.

Image courtesy of http://greenleafreport.com/